robotsforhire.com - Gallery: LA Derby Dolls Bout - LA Sirens vs. Tough Cookies - 5/19/12

The Sirens dominated the match from the first round with lightening fast jammers scoring a quick 22 points and finally ending the night with a 150+ point spread (233 to 69). The Tough Cookies fought hard and had several standout moments including the crowd favorite Big Lebowski with her big score as “Jammer” in the final rounds and her consistent, aggressive defense as “Blocker.” With live music at the half and commentary throughout the show, LA Derby Dolls never disappoint. Get tickets to next months Baby Doll Brawl at DerbyDolls.com/LA

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laweekly.com - The Derby Dolls @ The Doll Factory

On Saturday The Doll Factory was open for business with a roller derby home match between the Tough Cookies and Sirens squads. Tough Cookies came out with a lot of energy but were no match for the 2011 Champion Sirens, who skated strong to take the win, 237-72. Kate Crash took the stage during half time and there were plenty of food trucks and artisan vendors on hand to enjoy.

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losanjealous.com - DF Airs Resentments & Previews LA Derby Dolls Bout (Cookies v. Sirens, 5/19/12 @ Doll Fac)

A certain Elvis Depressley once sang, “I bear more grudges than lonely high court judges.” Oh, is that all? Because DF is the Guinness-book world-record grudge-holding ninja master of all time, and lonely high court judges aren’t fit to hold his grudge-holding jock. As it were.

Point being, DF’s a bitter soul and cultivates a lush garden of resentments relating to events that go back time out of mind. Some choice examples by way of illustration:

Third grade. A mean classmate repeatedly teased DF with the devastating schoolyard taunt, “Fatty fatty two-by-four.” When the classic retorts “I know you are but what am I” and “Please for the love of god stop teasing me, it hurts my heart” proved ineffective, I turned to voodoo, poking pins into an effigy of my psychic assailant. And it worked! Three months later, the bully suffered a mild head cold and had to stay home from school for two days. Don’t mess with DF, small children, or he will kick your ass using the power of voodoo!

High school, sophomore year. An equally mean, and substantially more violent, bully repeatedly inflicted swirlies, wedgies, and locker-stuffings on DF. Not to be trifled with, I attended a football game where the bully was playing quarterback for the high school pigskin squadron and booed lustily whenever he touched the ball. The result? The hated bully completed only 34 of his 36 passes! Those two misses were clearly due to DF’s diabolical psychological revenge, served up delectably ice cold.

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scoopsandiego.com - San Diego Wildfires drop one to the LA Ri-ettes

LA's Defense takes its toll on San Diego

The Wildfires of the San Diego Derby Dolls lost a tough one to The LA Riots Saturday night at the Del Mar Fairgrounds. The Wildfires had high hopes early on of finally besting their rivals from up north, but strong defense by the Ri-ettes kept that from happening. This battle of the natural and unnatural disasters was hard hitting and energy sapping for both sides, but in the end, the LA Ri-ettes looted the spirit from the San Diego Wildfires and snuffed them out.

Mission Valley News spoke with General Manager Isabelle Ringer before the bout and she promised a great fight for bragging rights. “These two teams are made up of all-stars, so the action will be knocked up a few notches,” said Ringer with her infectious grin. “You’re bound to see some slamming tonight!

Ringer and most others at the bout were expecting a close battle that might come down to the final jam due to previous encounters with The Ri-ettes. Mission Valley News spoke with The Wildfire’s #88 Kiki Diazz about dealing with LA’s troublemaker Bombshell Betty, but Kiki dismissed Bombshell saying that she was only one girl, and she was focused on the entire team. This would come back to haunt her as she would be beat around the ring like a bowling pin that night. San Diego’s # 703 O.B. Noxious said that this bout would be all about defense, and that the team was working on secret plans to deal with LA’s notorious jammer squad. When asked how her scoring would pan out, San Diego’s # 43 Bam Bam McGee made sure to find a piece of wood to knock on for good luck. LA’s # 33 Lace N’ Arsenic said she was confident of a victory due to her jammer stars such as #3:16 Cris Affliction and the notorious #36 Chargin’ Tina. But she also noted that defense would be key in securing a win.

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